We’ve Got the Job

I only work 7.5 hours each week at the bookshop and ideally I’d like about 12 hours. I don’t want to quit the bookshop because I like it there but I don’t want to be contracted more hours because that would reduce holidays even more. I’ve therefore had my eyes open for temporary positions and things that would be the odd couple of hours here and a little bit there. I don’t really mind what it is that I’d be doing because I only want the money, not the career prospects. I’ve thought about delivering leaflets or data-input positions at the hospital.

Mum came home from work yesterday (she drives coaches on a very part-time basis) and told me that she’d spotted a job in the offices of the company. She’s been looking for a bit of extra work herself lately and she thought she might go for it. It’s just admin work, form-filling and data-input but it’s great because it’s term-time only and on a very ad hoc basis. Thus, when they’re overloaded, they’ll phone up and say ‘we’ve got a couple of hours work here for you’. It would be no more than six hours a week and you can go in when you want. After telling me about it mum asked whether I was interested because she knew I was looking for some work. I said it sounded good but I’m a bit bogged down with uni deadlines and revision at the moment. She said she’d thought as much and wondered if we should suggest to the company that we share the job between us. Then, when I’ve finished uni, I can do the majority of it but while I’m busy mum can take the load. I said this sounded great and she phoned up her boss to suggest it. He seemed happy enough and, while out on a walk this morning, mum text me saying ‘we’ve got the job’. We have to go in for training in a week’s time and then there’ s quite a bit of work to get through because they’re really struggling at the moment. I’ll have to really sort out my day to day timetable to fit that in with my studying for a week or so.

I’m really looking forward to job-sharing with mum. We’ll be learning together and able to help each other out and I think that having two of us doing it together sometimes will make it more fun. Also, neither of us has to feel the weight of the whole responsibilty and we know that we can call on eachother.  

Essay Update

I’m fairly happy with the content of the Propaganda essay now but I’ve been chopping it down for 2.5 hours and I’m still 300 words over the limit. I really would like to get those words down, then leave the essay for a bit and come back to it in a few days to read it afresh and no doubt find out where improvements can be made. It’s extremely unlikely that I’ll be able to get it cut down today because I’ve got to pack the caravan this afternoon. We’re going on holiday at the weekend (which means no decent amount of studying for a few days, which will be incredibly annoying because I’ve got so much to do) and I’ve left my packing to the last minute. I’ll try and hurry it and see if I can get back to the essay this evening. However, I am supposed to be going out with Debs and her friends for her birthday meal. Why are there not enough hours in the day?

First Physio

I went for my first physio session today and it was pretty good. The lady, Sally, kept me waiting 10 minutes, even though my appointment was at 9am, but she turned out to be a really nice lady. She’s probably in her late twenties.

She started off by asking me for my own story of the knee problem and then, when I mentioned the MRI scan, she ran off to go and find the results on the computer. This was good because she knew then exactly what the problem was and didn’t have to waste 15 minutes doing a diagnosis to try and find out what was wrong with it.

She did some various tests on my knee, which is quite amusing because you can see the knee cap moving in ways it doesn’t usually go and the sensations are quite funny too. In a sentence (or two), she sussed out which muscles around the knee are weak or tight and these will need to have been made strong and loose by the end of the physio. When those muscles are working properly, they should pull the knee cap back into the right place and stop the erosion. That’s the plan anyway.

She then started doing loads of exercises with me, showing how reaching for my toes when sitting with my legs out in front of me helps certain muscles around the knee. She kept throwing different exercises at me and, although my left leg felt healthier by the end of it, it was tired too.

It was interesting because, in some of the exercises, she’d ask me to do it with the good leg too, the right leg, to see the difference. If she could see that the right leg could cope with it but the left couldn’t, she knew it was a good exercise. It was pretty educational for me too. Some exercises felt simple on the right leg but then when I did it on my left, I could feel how weak and incapable I was. The best example was when she was kneeling and rested my outstretched leg on her thigh (the back of my knee over her thigh). She would push my ankle towards the ground and tell me to resist it. I tried lifting my leg up towards the ceiling but it was impossible to do anything more than balance the pressure she was putting on me. When I did it with the other leg, I practically kicked her in the head!

She spent almost an hour with me and I really felt like we’d got somewhere. She wants to see me in two weeks time to see if the exercises have helped at all. She’s also going to refer me to another department because she noticed my flat feet (I feel like Ronnie Barker in Porridge), which is worse on the left foot and could be a major cause in my knee problem.

She’s given me seven different exercises which are to be repeated a different number of times and held for various amounts of seconds. Luckily, she gave me a sheet with them on, which has diagrams and the specific time lengths and repetitions for my needs. It is called my ‘Personal Exercise Program’ (rather swish don’t you think!?!?). However, the set of exercises have to be repeated twice a day!

A couple of exercises are the typical ones that you do at school at the start of the games lesson. The stretching-to-reach-your-feet one, I’ve already mentioned. There’s only one that involves a prop and that is a rolled up towel. You have to squeeze it between your knees and then squat so that you’re knees are bent. Interestingly, when I tried this one this afternoon, my right leg hurt more than my left (?). For another one, I think is Sally playing a joke on me. I have to stand on my left leg for 15 seconds, 4 times and I’m supposed to build this up to a minute. I feel like a right idiot just standing there on one leg, wobbling for a bit. I’m convinced she thought ‘I’ll just throw that one in to make her look silly’, especially when she said I was to try and intergrate the exercises into my daily routine and stand in the queue at the supermarket on one leg and squat with the kitchen towel between my knees while the dinner was cooking. There are two exercises that I really dislike at the moment. They hurt a little and I can feel my knee, even my whole leg, wobbling with weakness when I do them. One involves not only standing on one leg but squating on it. You are therefore holding you’re entire body weight on a bent knee, which is not fun. It shakes and feels like it’s going to collapse from under me. The other involves lying on your back, straightening your leg and then lifting it off the bed and holding it there for 5 seconds. That is a long time when your knee, taking all the pressure of keeping the lower leg in the air, is weak.

I am sure the exercises will get easier the more I do them but it’s just a case of getting them into my routine so that I don’t have to purposefully give up 15 minutes morning and night to do them.

Will no doubt report on the progress.

Nazi Propaganda Essay

Hoorah! Have finished first draft of propaganda essay. Word count is now standing at 5788. Must get it down to 4950 at a maximum. Not only do I have to chop it down but I think I might need to add some more analytical parts, which will only bump it up again. Aargh!!! Will keep you posted on the progress.

Not that you’re interested anyway.

French Breakfast

My breakfast routine for the last week to ten days has been as follows:

• Put cereal in bowl.
• Find spoon (not always an easy task in our house).
• Find pen and paper.
• Pour milk on cereal.
• Stuff paper under arm.
• Pick up pen in one hand.
• Pick up cereal in other hand.
• Make way to dining room table or similar.
• Release arm so paper falls on table.
• Settle down in seat.
• Eat, while writing up 6 paragraphs of one of the three French essays from memory.
• Wipe spilled milk with back of hand and try to remember what you wrote underneath it.
• Grin widely when task is complete.

This morning, I’m lost. The exam was yesterday and I had no idea what to do while I ate breakfast. That’s why I’m blogging.

The exam went well. Out of the three questions, she chose my least favoured but it was still alright. Not only did I remember it all but I managed to adapt and stick in some nifty phrases from the other essays to help this one along its way. It took me 15-20 minutes to write it up in my best hand-writing (while the girl next to me was scribbling out whole chunks at a time and finding comfort in reading the dictionary). I then had 40 minutes to check stuff in the dictionary such as accents etc. I kind of got bored in the last 10 minutes but I used the time to critically analyse my handwriting and see which bits need improving. I only had three minor scribbles on the page when I handed it in, so I’m hoping the presentation will get the marker on my side from the outset! I remember my history teacher telling me that that always worked.

Nothing major planned for today except finishing draft one of the essay. I can see dad is going to drag me out at some point because he’s already been hinting that he hasn’t got Debs a birthday present. I shall resist as much as I can because today is the last day that I’m going to get a good stab at this essay for a while.

A General Update on Stuff

I’ve just realised I’m slacking a bit on writing the old entries. Uni is kind of taking up all my time during the day and I seem to be going out or busy a lot during the evenings.

Anyhow, the essay is going well. I got a lot more done today than expected but I still don’t think I’ll be on target for finishing it by Friday, which was my personal target. A lot will be happening this week and I just know I won’t be able to focus.

Tomorrow is the big French exam. It’s actually not that big because it’s only worth 10% but I’m still rather anxious about it. I’ve learnt all three essays by heart except one paragraph that I hope to learn tomorrow morning.

On Thursday I’ve got my first physio session for my knee. I’ve never had physio before and have been given a whole hour with the lady, which I think is pretty impressive. On Thursday night, we’re going to nan’s for tea because it is Debs’ birthday on Friday.

Last Saturday, we went to a quiz and came about 4th or 5th out of 11 teams which isn’t bad really. I’m useless at quizzes. The only answers I know are the ones that everybody else knows. We went as a family, with Clark and two old family friends who are brilliant at all sorts of topics.

At work on Saturday, I spotted a cookery book by Women’s Weekly Magazine called New French Food. Since mum is into all things Frog, I flicked through it on her behalf. I nearly threw up when I spotted a recipe whose main ingredient was Lamb’s Brains. It was complete with photos of how to prepare the dish. While putting stock out onto the shelves, it is wise to take note of the title, author and contents, which might come in useful in the future. On Saturday I put a book into my science section which was called “Stiff”, by a lady whose surname is Roach. Reading the blurb on the back, I found out that it is about what happens to your body after you die. I could cope with the example of using organs for medical donations but not with the idea of using corpses for car crash tests.

I sorted out the “exam Saturday” with the boss at work at the weekend too. She was quite understanding and has allowed me to simply work the Monday afterwards instead of the Saturday, which will all be off the record and so it will not use up one of the four precious Saturday holidays I get each year. The exam timetable comes out for definite on Wednesday.

The weather has broke. It’s now raining which we haven’t had in my part of the world for about 3 weeks. I don’t mind a bit because I realise that we need it but I hope it doesn’t last too long.

Michael Buble’s new album is out a week today!

I have had my module choice forms for next year at uni. I plan on studying three modules again, as I have this year, but I have no idea which ones to choose. I certainly don’t want to end up disliking the modules as much as I did the Georgian Britain one this year. I don’t have to hand in the forms until mid-May so I’ve got a fair bit of time to investigate the courses’ content further and make an informed decision.

I bought a bonsai tree today. It’s Debs’ birthday present and I’m quite chuffed with it. The only bad thing is that the crock saucer it sits on is the wrong colour, too big and rather tatty. They didn’t have one that went with the tree and its pot in the shop, so they let me have another one instead. I took it but I’m going to have a look around in some other garden shops to see if I can find a better one. I also bought a book on Bonsai, because I know nothing about it and nor does the recipient. I think I’m supposed to buy some sort of liquid feeder too.

That’s it for now. Will write again soon.

Reasons for Feeling Happy

1. My history tutor finally emailed back and suggested an essay title along the lines I was thinking. Although, it’s not exactly what I’d like and we’re still in discussion about it, I think we’ll get there soon.
2. The weather has been absolutely gorgeous today and, except for a 40 minute lunch break, I have been studying in the garden from 10.15am to 5.45pm. Please note the puffy clouds that have been filling the sky all day.
3. Despite going slowly, the studying has been going well today and I’m feeling a lot more confident about it all now.
4. I have learnt one and a half French essays by heart. This translates to about 400 words. Not only have I memorised them but at the moment I can remember all the accents, spellings and conjugations when I write it as well. I only hope I can still remember them by Tuesday night. One and a half essays left to learn.
5. I’m going dancing tonight. This is what always keeps me going when I’m studying on a Thursday.
6. Debs is in a good mood with me but I’m not sure why. She did say yesterday that she feels she hasn’t seen me in ages because we’re both always out at different times so maybe she’s missing me.
7. I’ve got a friends’ reunion tomorrow. The six of us that were best friends at junior school are going out for a meal. I won’t be able to stop too long because I’m supposed to be going dancing with Adele at 9pm but it’ll be good to catch up.
8. We made a fruit salad yesterday, which I absolutely love and it’s a real treat a meal times. Will give you the recipe soon.
9. Saw Grandad and his wife yesterday because it was her birthday. It was nice to see him again because he’s been ill and a little down lately but he never complains. It was a good evening.
10. The dog has been particularly handsome and wonderful today.

Bring Me Sunshine…

I just have to take a moment to enthuse about the weather recently. I can’t believe how gorgeous it’s been. For the last two Saturday’s at work, I have been able to sit outside on the grass to eat my lunch and read an improving book; on Sunday we ate lunch on the patio; I have worked on my essay in the garden for two or three days and I have been able to go on walks without pondering over whether to take a coat or not. The temperature might be a little on the cool side at times but our garden thermometer reckons its been up to 28 degrees over the weekend, which is pretty impressive for April. I’m not too impressed with the clouds, though. The sun is coming through a haze of cloud so, although it’s nice, the sky actually looks white-grey instead of blue with white sheep. Nevertheless, it is lovely weather and I shouldn’t selfishly complain about the lack of material for the cloudspotter. I’m trying to make the most of the weather because, before you know it, we’ll be back in the dark, depressing months of winter. Therefore, I’ve decided to try and get outside as much as I can this summer.

Right, enthusiasm is over. Time to do the ironing.

Snowballing Anxieties

I started this propaganda essay for real on Tuesday and it did not go well at all for the rest of the week. By Friday I was ready to burst into tears with frustration and questioned my ability to cope with University. I emailed my uni tutor asking for help and suggestions because I need to change the essay title again. The success of the propaganda methods in portraying the Hitler Myth question was proving too specific with very few resources available. My tutor did not respond and by Friday night I was really down and went to bed at 8 o’clock fed up with the week, encouraging the day to end quickly and looking forward to work the next day because it would get me out of the house and I would be able to forget the whole essay.

It didn’t quite go to plan. I woke up on Saturday morning just as depressed as I went to sleep on Friday night. I was barely talking to anyone and when we did the usual ‘hey how are you?’ at work, I was the least cheery of the lot of us. One colleague asked ‘Did you have a good week?’ and I replied, probably too bluntly, ‘No’. ‘Well that was definite’, she stated. ‘I’m just glad it’s over’, I replied. I was still down all morning, keeping myself to myself and not joining in the usual jokes and gossip that get us through the day. My mind started racing. I couldn’t cope with this essay, I had no idea where I was going to go from here. Then I’ve got the big exam to look forward to, which is a lot sooner than I thought and happens to fall on the Saturday that I’m supposed to be going away. I’ve done no revision as yet, this will be my first uni exam and I’ve not a clue what it’ll involve. I’ve also got a French exam in less than 10 days, which I’ve given very little thought to and an oral in about 5 weeks time. Things were not looking good and my mind went down the ‘what will I study next year?’ route and ‘will I cope?’. I’ll still have another year after that and if I don’t enjoy it, it will seem like an eternity. Then I started thinking shall I just drop out of uni after this year or, more realistically, could I be accredited with some qualification if I just stuck it out for one more year but didn’t complete the whole degree? I was planning on going into teaching and thought I should start making investigations into getting a transfer onto one of those courses using some of the credits I’ve already got. Then my mind started racing about teaching. Is this what I really want to do? It’s not that easy after all, especially with the kids today. I’ve had doubts about it for a while, using it instead as a general direction in which I’m heading but with no clear commitments. What am I going to do for a career? By lunchtime, I was at the lowest I’d been in months. I read some Harry Potter to try and take my mind off it.

After lunch, the world was looking a bit brighter. I put it largely down to Harry Potter, which was just the kind of distraction I’d needed. The day was actually going quite fast too, probably because I wanted it to go on forever so that I didn’t have to get back to this essay again. I was also given a task in the afternoon that needed my concentration and I was distracted also by the rumours of a tatoo that one of my colleagues had got. The thoughts of the morning were still going around my head and explain a few moments of quiet that I had in the afternoon but I was more determined not to dwell on it all.

In the evening, I went out for a meal and to a dance. Again, this was just what I needed. I think dancing releases a happy hormone in me because, although I was physically tired from work and emotionally exhausted, I had a good evening.

I slept well and this morning I woke up to sunshine, feeling refreshed. I had to play guitar at church this morning so I knew I still had a few hours to motivate myself to get back into the essay. I was still on that fine line where, had I not fought, I could have slipped easily back into the mood of Saturday morning. However, I prepared myself mentally, saying that today was going to be a good day,I would find some useful information for the essay and feel generally more confident about it. The more I told myself to not get upset over it, the more relaxed I became. I came to the conclusion that this is just one essay. I’m sure I’d be able to scrape together a pass if nothing else and, when my tutor emails back, I’m sure there’ll be plenty of good information.

Music went successfully at church and then we decided to have lasagne for lunch on the patio in the nice weather. Eating outside always cheers me up. So, for the first two hours of study I had a lovely lunch to look forward to. The weather really helped today as well. I sat outside and felt relaxed while working, not pressured or serious like when you’re chained to a desk. I also managed to master the technique of skim-reading to an extent, which is something I normally really struggle with. I managed to skim-read 90 pages before lunch and got some pretty useful information, although somewhat lacking in quantity. After lunch, I resumed my position on the top lawn and read the relevant section of another book. I stopped working at 6pm and felt that I’d got through a fair bit of material, even if I hadn’t got as much as I would have liked from it.

This evening, I still have the thoughts of another two years at uni and the future career on my mind but I’m feeling a lot more positive. I haven’t decided whether I’ll drop out or transfer courses or extend this degree over a longer period so that the pressure is reduced, but it doesn’t feel as daunting as it did yesterday. The bottom line is that this is my life and I can do what I want with it. I’m going to take it a week at a time for now and in two months, when I’m on my summer holidays, I can decide what I want to do from there. I have also realised how easy it is for a small problem to snowball. Worries over one essay escalated into panics about my future at uni and my career direction and I must not let this happen again. I must just take one bit at a time.

Essays, Essays, Essays

After my initial excitement yesterday morning, I had a rubbish day. I’ve finished the Telford essay and needed to get started on the Germany propaganda essay. I’ve changed the title of this one a couple of times already and still wasn’t happy with the one I’d currently got. I decided, after an hour of trying to find inspiration in books, to change it to ‘Which was the most effective form of propaganda for conveying the Hitler Myth?’ or words to that effect. I haven’t actually come up with the right wording yet. It seems a little more specific but still looks at the effectiveness of the different types of propaganda (film, radio, speeches, posters etc.), which I wanted to do in the first place. It’s just that now I’m looking at it in the context of the Hitler Myth. Still, I didn’t have a good day because, with Debs being home on Easter holidays and mum and dad bustling around the house, I got plenty of interuptions and couldn’t focus. I won’t go into the details of other things that annoyed me.

Today has been a lot better. Debs was out all day and, after reluctantly taking dad up the shops this morning, I managed to start work by 10.45am. Yesterday, I wrote up an introductory section on Nazi propaganda, to give my essay a context, and today I wrote a section explaining the creation, development and meaning of the Hitler Myth. These two sections take up 900 words (I’ve spent an hour cutting words out because I hate having to chop out a thousand or two at the very end) and I’m quite happy with this. I have a plan about the order of the different sections and how many words I’m allowing myself in each. I also have a timetable and I’ve given myself the next two days to do the section on Art/Posters. This means I should get enough time to have a morning off and go out somewhere to enjoy the weather. I have been working in the conservatory today and I did sit outside at lunchtime but I’d really like to just go out for a decent walk and a morning coffee to keep me sane!

Anyway, I’m off to the cinema tonight to see the Mr Bean film(!), so that’s my reward for today’s work.